Tuesday, August 2, 2022

The Latest Breast Cancer Boondoggle

Ladies, if you can just stay awake forever, you can keep metastasis at bay! That's the conclusion many of us are drawing from this latest finding indicating metastatic spread of breast cancer accelerates during sleep. And I quote:

Circulating tumor cells (CTCs) generated during the night divide more quickly and therefore, have a higher potential to metastasize compared with those generated during the day. This could be explained by the circadian rhythm hormones (melatonin, testosterone, and glucocorticoids) regulating CTC generation and, as a consequence, insulin promoting tumor cell proliferation in a time-dependent manner.

At times like this,  I find Mr. Bean's methods during his overnight drive to Cannes particularly amusing. After trying and failing to stop his sleepy head from hitting the steering wheel, he relies on the snores of his companions, the cigarette lighter, self-slapping and biting, and finally a box of matches, with which he holds his eyes open, to keep himself awake.


In how-many-angels-can-dance-on-the-head-of-a-pin fashion I wonder what else those circulating tumor cells might enjoy doing when one is sleeping, besides divide, amoeba-like. Surely they might be inclined to entertain themselves in other ways. Metastasizing must get boring after a while--perhaps instead they might knit up the ravelled sleeve of care? Or just hang out and have a drink or two, while eating chocolates or candied ginger? If they're a part of me, they might have my tastes. Yeah, they might. I'll drink to that.

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