Friday, August 23, 2013

The Unmanning of Bradley

Will apparently happen soon.  If he has his way.  But not in the way he imagines.  
If he really wants to be Chelsea.  And what a load of associations the average reader makes to that name.  The New York neighborhood.  The Clinton child whose parents had just visited the London, not the New York, neighborhood and who had so fallen in love with the the Joni Mitchell song, "Chelsea Morning," that they decided they wanted to name their child after it.
But oh, Bradley, what gives?  Your timing is lethal.  For you, I mean.  Those creeps down at the prison will eat you alive and I am very much afraid that you could end up like Jeffrey Dahmer, and although I do not believe that he got what he deserved, I can imagine folks thinking that he did.
Here we all are thinking you've been revealing something that Edward Snowden exposed in what seemed to me a more responsible fashion, and now your story is ending the way Tootsie ended, if anyone remembers that spectacular Dustin Hoffman comedy of 1982 whose climax involved an on-screen unveiling of a real sexual identity in a soap opera.
A soap opera is what we've been having, Bradley, ever since they said you had fetal alcohol syndrome because your upper lip was peculiar.  And started interviewing your mother.
And I, who had imagined you were young and tortured because they were making you stand around naked and because you were spending time in prison in the first place began to wonder if you were sane.
All power to your sex-change operation, if you are granted the means to get one.  But you are entering a place whose walls ooze testosterone, whose employees sweat ball-busting hairy machismo, and who will feel challenged, threatened, at the very least exceedingly startled, by your revelations.  They will feel as sympathetically to you as Hitler to the Jews.  Why tell them now? 
I would have told you to keep that hat on Chelsea until you are outta there.  Chelsea doesn't get to date until then anyway .  But now that you are in prison, she's even more likely to get raped.
Unless all this revelation is part of some exceedingly bizarre plea bargain?
POST HOC: Okay, Chelsea's been sprung from the clink, and hurrah! What about Edward Snowden? Let's save him, too!

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