The Critical Mom's Conversations With Her Kids

"So have your friends changed since you've known them in fifth grade?"
"Well . . . (thoughtful pause) A is taller, and B is taller, and C is taller, and D is taller . .  ."
"Uh,"
"Is that what you wanted to know Mom?"
"I mean . .  ."
"Also A. is still a human, B is a human, C is a human, and D is a Homo Sapiens.  OK, Mom?"

This morning, this sub-zero morning, I insisted that my other kid put on his warm Winter jacket, a conversation that resolves itself in ever-inventive ways almost every morning.

"Mom, stay out of my personal affairs!" said he.

"Good vocabulary," commented my husband.

I put a meal in front of my daughter.  "Mommy, I did not ASK for that!"

Oh, it is the Christmas season.  Ho ho ho.  Merry Merry Merry.  And as soon as they all have enough sleep, they'll be angels.